NEWS

-Russian Ambassador says connection with Attorney General Sessions is fake news. Says the press should take a stand and put their money were their putin is!”  General Mike Flynn tweeted”Yeah- what he said!”

-Mexican politician sits on steel metal border wall to send Trump a message. The message was,”This hurts my butt!”

SPORTS

-Can Magic Johnson revive the Los Angeles Lakers franchise the way he did Burger King? His first move is to change the name of Staples Center Arena to “Home of the Whopper.”

Pittsburgh Pirates infielder Jung Ho Kang gets suspended two-year prison sentence for crashing 3rd car while driving drunk. Claims he was just “testing the front airbags.” 

MOVIES

Oscars botch best-picture announcement! Academy President said, “Not to worry. according to the ratings, no one was watching”…

GAMES

-Nintendo’s releases new Switch video game you can take with you anywhere. Critic played it for a week. Here’s what he said he learned:

– Running into a street pole hurts..

– The steering wheel gets in the way when you’re driving..

– I didn’t realize my wife moved out -until after the first week…

BOOKS-Old and New

-Sex and Marriage from Dr. Ruth: Be cautious if you can time your Wedding Nite with a radar gun.

-New book written by Cleveland Plain Dealer TV critic Mark Dawidziak called, Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in the Twilight Zone.  His lessons include:

–Keep a spare pair of glasses in case there’s a nuclear attack..

-I can wish people I don’t like- into the cornfield…

-Gremlin’s fly for free..

 TRAVEL

Colorado’s Aspen Mountain best choice vacation for skiers. Free marijauna for first time visitors. Biggest downside is people trying to put their pants on over their skis…

HOLLYWOOD

-After leaving a bar, a friend of Justin Beiber says the singer laid on the floor, held a golfball between his lips and told his friend to “hit it .” The club hit him in the mouth and immediately his singing improved!!

-PARIS Fashion Show- One model walked the runway wearing nothing but 2 french fries.. 
McDonalds stock skyrocketed…Fashion Designer Tim Gunn said he couldn’t make up his mind on the final french fry outfit- Shoestring or waffle cut? 

-“Logan”- A new movie about a mutant teenager who destroys property and people…Just like a Trump protester..  

-Elvis Priestly Enterprises opens new exhibits and museums. One features his stretch jumpsuit and several boxes of his favorite pizza…  

The Walking Dead marathon begins this weekend. You can watch it on C-Span!

And that’s the way it is…